This past week I’ve really felt the effects of stress crashing in on me. My positive, fun, demeanor on the outside is really hiding some pretty rotten feelings on the inside. If I took inventory of the bad this morning, I would have guessed my spiritual tank was empty. Then God helped me to see ”empty” wasn’t the case! One morning in Orchard kids gave me the spiritual fill up I needed to get me to the next step.
I have been wrestling with the effects of stress for some time now. It’s not one particular job. It’s the rushing between the two. Yet being a Single Mom I have to support my child, so if it takes two jobs then I have to do it. It’s not Gabe’s two sports it’s the preparing and running to the practices and games. He is excelling at both and they keep him happy in a time in his life where he is feeling a lot of sorrow. So I need to suck it up and make it happen for him. It’s also not just the worrying about Gabe’s sadness he’s experiencing it’s how to snap him out of it. I’m trying to determine at what point do I say ENOUGH! I can’t change the sucky situation he needs to just move on in his life and say “lesson learned!”
The combination of everything together has caused me to gain about 20 lbs, some grey hair, and bring on a few health issues. So the empty spiritual tank was another straw that was breaking the camels back! I had been praying and God has brought a few wonderful people into my life that are praying for Gabe and I too. Now any normal person who knows God’s power and love would have taken those signs and stopped worrying. Yet me being who I am didn’t stop and now look at me. I don’t even recognize myself sometimes!
So I was putting thought into a plan of action. (See I’m still not listening to God at this point) I was going to cut back on a few things I had going on in my life. I was going to have Gabe drop one of his sports and I was going to focus on getting my health back. One of the things I was going to do was take about 6 months off from teaching at The Orchard. (DONT PANIC ORCHARD FAMILY GOD HAD ANOTHER PLAN)
My reason for contemplating was I felt I had nothing to give. At my day job the accolades don’t come easy. I can get through my day with all the children effortlessly. I make it look simple. So simple, the parents barely notice. Now at my 2nd job the accolades come daily. So that makes it easier to get through my work week. On my Orchard teaching Sundays it’s always a wonderful experience yet I had been feeling as if I wasn’t in the right spiritual state of mind to continue teaching.
So this weekend I prayed and I psyched myself up and Gabe to teach. This was going to determine if I needed time to refill my tank. (I was silly I thought it would take months) So Saturday night’s service was fun! The kids and the vibe but not the sign I was looking for. Then Sunday came both services were filled with lots of children eager to hear how Jesus loved them! Gabe was on top of his game being a friend and encourager to the children I thought “well there you go that’s the sign.” God figured I needed a clearer picture.
Second service was about to start one of the Mother’s came with her child. He was used to his siblings accompanying him to his room. They were older and opted to go in the school age room. He was very sad. His Mom wanted him to stay so she could go to service but, wanted him to be comfortable staying on his own. This child very rarely smiles or goes willingly to a teacher without his siblings. The second I spoke to him we connected.
I asked him if he wanted to play or stay and hold my hand till he felt better. The little boy came to me and let me hold his hand. I got down to his eye level to talk and he hugged me. It was one of those “Hey this is God sending you a hug kind of hugs.” So I promised him he could hold my hand the whole time. I asked him to wave goodbye to Mom so she could have fun in her service. He smiled and waved and said goodbye. Then he turned and hugged me again. Mom left and the little boy had a wonderful time in class learning about The Garden of Eden. Now the majority of the time he stayed by my side and held my hand.
When Mom came to get the little boy she said “I just want you to know you moved me to tears.“ I stopped for a second because I was completely surprised! Then she said “You showed me how kind your heart was with my Son and it meant so much to me.” Then she hugged me. WOW! That was a very special moment for me! I kept thinking I was running on empty and the simplest act led to such gratitude! I was just doing my job by coaxing the child into the room. Yet the Mom saw it as a wonderful act of kindness.
It made me realize I wasn’t as empty as I thought! I don’t need 6 months off from teaching at Church! What was I thinking! I need to keep showing those children that they lift me! They are a part of filling my spiritual tank!
Now, after I left church I was so filled with God’s love I thought man I am back on track! Then a few things came into play that just sucked all that good feeling right out of my sails! You have no idea how badly I wanted to forget I was saved. Then I felt the presence of God. He comforted me and gently reminded me that he is going to handle it. So I have nothing to worry about. Even if right at this moment I feel like a great big hot mess! I am blessed because God is helping to fill my spiritual tank!
