Priceless or Punishment Dilemma???

 Today is Tuesday and for once a Tuesday to look forward too. Glee was premiering tonight and I was going to take Gabe to see his FAVORITE Chicago Bear #13  Johnny Knox!  Could this day go wrong??? YES IT COULD!

  I should have seen it coming when at the beginning of the day I left my phone at home. I didn’t even notice till I got to work! UGH!!! I didn’t let that get me down! There was glory coming my way in the form of a one-hour musical television comedy!  On top of that it was a great day at job #1 and I was off of job # 2!

 Herculese and I went to pick up Gabe from School we come home to change and then I look in Gabe’s backpack. (BIG MISTAKE) I see that he was missing a book. I figure before we go to see Johnny we’ll swing by school and get the book. Well that good intention ended up being a cruel revelation for Gabe.

  His teacher informed me that he was missing 2 assignments from before we went on Vacation, 2 assignments from Spring Break, and He was not caught up on Word for a day. I tried not to blow a gasket right then and their. It was hard not too. the majority of Gabe’s  problem is sheer laziness and lack of organization.

  Now I have TRIED AND TRIED to help him get organized but I have failed miserably! There are other factors that attribute to his school problem one of them being the discovery of girls and the other is emotional baggage. With all that said I faced the dilemma Have a priceless moment with him meeting his Football Hero or be a killjoy and make him miss it by staying home and finishing his homework?

 We left the school and I sat in the car for a minute. Gabe sat quietly and was ready for me to explode. Before I reacted I needed to weigh the options. Gabe is struggling emotionally and with self-esteem do I take away a positive and priceless experience like this or not? Is it life or death that he has late assignments??  Can I teach him to be responsible? Do I have to play Mean Mom all the time??

 I turned to Gabe and laid out the severity of the situation. Then I calmly told him we would be going only if he promised to work like crazy on his assignments as soon as we got home (WITHOUT ATTITUDE) He agreed and we went on our Merry way to meet Johnny Knox!

SEEMS PERFECT HUH! WELL IT WASN”T!

 We get home and drama ensued. Gabe couldn’t stay focused,I screamed, he wailed, at one point we were both crying!  This was that moment when I should have  Channeled my inner SUPER-SINGLE MOM! Guess what she was nowhere to be found!  Then and there I decided to just take a break and watch the premier of GLEE! As silly as that sounds it worked! The comic relief and music helped even my mood out. Gabe’s too.

  After the show I was able to go back and help him along with a little less  drama. He has all but 1 assignment done. We will finish that 1st thing after school tomorrow. WHEW!

 Oh  guess what my alter ego Super Single Mom was found and now I’m getting things set for tomorrow. I have to work both jobs,get Gabe to track practice,help him with his homework,and get some laundry done. So I best finish up this blog!

  Being a single parent is not a walk in the park. It’s extremely hard. There are times I feel like I’m drowning. That’s when I have to remember that God chose me to be Gabe’s Mom. He wouldn’t have blessed me with him if he thought I couldn’t handle him.  I need to honor his blessing. Through the good,bad,and ugly. Now today ws ugly,yet I got through it! Let’s put another tally mark in the win column! YAY ME!!

 

Finally a new post!

 Forgive me Blog world for I have sinned!

It has been over 5 months since my last post! It is not that I have nothing to say it’s my sheer laziness to put words to blog post!

Don’t be to harsh on me I promise to faithfully try to post at least once every 2 weeks! (or month)

 

With that being said let’s catch up!

 I am still trying to stay motivated to be fit, (That’s a work in progress) I am obsessed with Glee and Modern Family!  I’ve decided to dust of some old goals I had and see how they pan out. (keeping that to myself for now) Hmmm….what else can we catch up on……..

 Well since November there has been an addition to the family! Gabe and I have a puppy! His name is Herculese! He is the cutest mutt you ever laid your eyes on!  He is also the great-grand son of the dog I had over 16 years ago! Talk about destiny! You don’t believe me check out the pic!

  Oh let’s see what else is there.. hmm.. I paid off some major debt and I’m on the track to being debt free! So I’m pretty happy about that! I still work 2 jobs and have made the concious effort to always be positive and never complain that I work too hard. In this economy I am VERY grateful to have 2 jobs!  To some it may sound corny but that’s how I roll!

 I’m very happy to report Gabe is becoming quite the athlete!  He has now added track to his list of sports he participates in. So now there’s Boxing,basketball,football,and track! Out of all those listed Basket Ball is his sport of choice! My request to him when he’s a professional athlete is to provide me with a driver and a maid. That’s pretty reasonable wouldn’t ya say!

 Other than that I suppose the only bit of news is that after a year of terrible news reports around the world I’ve realized how very fortunate I am. I am healthy, I am employed,I have a healthy son, and a God that loves me! What ever my struggles are being a single Mom trying to raise a boy to a man I can overcome them.  There are so many people around the world with real struggles. Who am I to complain? I have the hootzpah to carry on and face obstacles and overcome them. So I’d say the past few months since my last blog have been pretty decent!  I promise not to have to big of a lapse till my next post!

Even if your tank is empty keep on giving!

  This past week I’ve really felt the effects of stress crashing in on me. My positive, fun, demeanor on the outside is really hiding some pretty rotten feelings on the inside.  If I took inventory of the bad  this morning, I would have guessed my spiritual tank was empty. Then God helped me to see ”empty” wasn’t the case!  One morning in Orchard kids gave me the spiritual fill up I needed to get me to the next step.

 I have been wrestling with the effects of stress for some time now. It’s not one particular job. It’s the rushing between the two. Yet being a Single Mom I have to support my child, so if it takes two jobs then I have to do it. It’s not Gabe’s two sports it’s the preparing and running to the practices and games. He is excelling at both and they keep him happy in a time in his life where he is feeling a lot of sorrow. So I need to suck it up and make it happen for him.  It’s also not just the worrying about Gabe’s sadness he’s experiencing it’s how to snap him out of it. I’m trying to determine at what point do I say ENOUGH!  I can’t change the sucky situation he needs to just move on in his life and say “lesson learned!” 

 The combination of everything together has caused me to gain about 20 lbs, some grey hair, and bring on a few health issues.  So the empty spiritual tank was another straw that was breaking the camels back! I had been praying and God has brought a few wonderful people into my life that are praying for Gabe and I too. Now any normal person who knows God’s power and love would have taken those signs and stopped worrying. Yet me being who I am didn’t stop and now look at me. I don’t even recognize myself sometimes!

  So I was putting thought into a plan of action. (See I’m still not listening to God at this point) I was going to cut back on a few things I had going on in my life. I was going to have Gabe drop one of his sports and I was going to focus on getting  my health back. One of the things I was going to do was take about 6 months off from teaching at The Orchard. (DONT PANIC ORCHARD FAMILY GOD HAD ANOTHER PLAN)

 My reason for contemplating was I felt I had nothing to give. At my day job the accolades don’t come easy. I can get through my day with all the children effortlessly. I make it look simple. So simple, the parents barely notice. Now at my 2nd job the accolades come daily. So that makes it easier to get through my work week. On my Orchard teaching Sundays it’s always a wonderful experience yet I had been feeling as if I wasn’t in the right spiritual state of mind to continue teaching.

  So this weekend I prayed and I psyched myself up and Gabe to teach. This was going to determine if I needed time to refill my tank. (I was silly I thought it would take months) So Saturday night’s service was fun! The kids and the vibe but not the sign I was looking for. Then Sunday came both services were filled with lots of children eager to hear how Jesus loved them! Gabe was on top of his game being a friend and encourager to the children I thought “well there you go that’s the sign.” God figured I needed a clearer picture.

 Second service was about to start one of the Mother’s came with her child. He was used to his siblings accompanying him to his room. They were older and opted to go in the school age room. He was very sad. His Mom wanted him to stay so she could go to service but, wanted him to be comfortable staying on his own. This child very rarely smiles or goes willingly to a teacher without his siblings.  The second I spoke to him we connected.

  I asked him if he wanted to play or stay and hold my hand till he felt better. The little boy came to me and let me hold his hand. I got down to his eye level to talk and he hugged me. It was one of those “Hey this is God sending you a hug kind of hugs.” So I promised him he could hold my hand the whole time. I asked him to wave  goodbye to Mom so she could have fun in her service. He smiled and waved and said goodbye. Then he turned and hugged me again. Mom left and the little boy had a wonderful time in class learning about The Garden of Eden. Now the majority of the time he stayed by my side and held my hand.

  When Mom came to get the little boy she said “I just want you to know you moved me to tears.“  I stopped for a second because I  was completely surprised!  Then she said “You showed me how kind your heart was with my Son and it meant so much to me.” Then she hugged me. WOW!  That was a very special moment for me! I kept thinking I was running on empty and the simplest act led to such gratitude! I was just doing my job by coaxing the child into the room. Yet the Mom saw it as a wonderful act of kindness.

 It made me realize I wasn’t as empty as I thought! I don’t need 6 months off from teaching at Church! What was I thinking! I need to keep showing those children that they lift me! They are a part of filling my spiritual tank!

  Now, after I left church I was so filled with God’s love I thought man I am back on track! Then a few things came into play that just sucked all that good feeling right out of my sails!  You have no idea how badly I wanted to forget I was saved. Then I felt the presence of God. He comforted me and gently reminded me that he is going to handle it. So I have nothing to worry about.  Even if right at this moment I feel like a great big hot mess! I am blessed because God is helping to fill my spiritual tank!

What is your Priority?

 

Priority: One definition of the word is – superiority in rank, position

I’ve began to wonder why this word had been sticking in my head so much. Then I realized, I was at a point in my life where I need to re-focus on the journey God was leading me on and PRIORITIZE  my spirit,body,and mind. Now to many I’m: happy,smiling, and positive. However, on the inside I’m struggling.

 I have found my self worrying about how I’m letting things slip. There is so much going on I feel like a hamster on a treadmill. How did I lose focus? Why am I worried about things that God will take care of? How come I’m having a hard time seeing the work of God all around me? I’m only focusing on the heartache and sorrow in situations. Hmmm let’s think could it be my priority list is out of wack??

Ok the problem is targeted!  How do I solve the problem?

Theres only one way! Some good old fashion “Time Alone With God”

 I’ve just come off of a whirlwind couple of weeks. There were lots of events and regular everyday happenings piled on top of each other. There were a few times I found myself on overload. On top of it all I had a friend pass away and 3 more friends dealing with serious health issues.

 As I worked through those emotions I found myself dwelling on things that I couldn’t change and should just leave in God’s hands. I kept forgetting  He handles everything in his timing not mine. Yet the sinner in me wanted it to be dealt with NOW!  I was tired of the cycle that kept repeating and wanted to jump to the head of the line for some divine intervention!  Yet that still small voice whispered  “be patient”

 How ashamed I felt. Who was I to rush God’s timing? That’s when it hit me I was being a selfish. I had put not only God but myself in a disheveled priority order. My joy was slowly being stolen due to my own hand. I was praying regularly but I was in desperate,overdue,need for an honest heart to heart with God.

 So that time is coming shortly. After this blog and a good night sleep I will wake in the morning and spend some time having a heart to heart with him. I will speak with him and let him hear what I’m struggling with. Then I will put it all in his hands and ask him to comfort me. Then I will pray that he help me remember

HE COMES FIRST! 

 Before everything he must be #1 without him to lead me and love me unconditionally I have nothing. Without him being my first priority lately I have missed all the wonderful works he’s performed around me. There were so many and I only noticed a couple of them. Now I want my eyes opened so I can focus on everything he’s done so I can give him the glory he deserves.

I need to also remember I am setting the example for my Son. I am who he is learning from. He looks to me for guidance. I want him to grow up to be a man who is not ashamed to show his love for God. I want him to always keep God at the top of his priority list. I want him to learn that without God at the top of our priority list everything else will unravel. If that is what I want I need to lead by example. There are times I stray from the path God has mapped out for me but I am grateful he is always there with open arms welcoming me back.

 So in the morning when I wake I will spend my time alone with God and re- prioritize my life and put him back at the top where he belongs.

Now think about yourself. What takes priority in your life? Is it God? Is it something else,do you put frivolous things that will fade or are not important at the top? Are you purposely neglecting what God has blessed you with because you want something else? Think about it and pray about it. You may need to spend time alone with God too and re prioritize your life.

 

In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown you efforts with success. Don’t be conceited, sure of your own wisdom. Instead, trust and reverence the Lord, and turn your back on evil; when you do that, then you will be given renewed health and vitality. Proverbs 3: 5-6

Summer So Far!

 

 

Well it’s here! Summertime! How is everyone doing now that we are at the half way point!? I’ve been trying to fill this Summer with memories that will last a lifetime for Gabe. With the economy so dismal I’ve had to work really hard to pack alot of affordable fun into it. Honestly we’ve had a fantastic time so far!

  This year I decided to take the Summer off from my part time job so I could spend more time with Gabe. I really love it. I do however miss that extra money. I planned this well in advance so I pre -purchased our Water park passes and paid for outings ahead of time. So this made things a little easier. How’s that for a money saving tip!

 One of the most exciting things I planned for Gabe was a Chicago Bears event that was free. I saw it in one of those free Parent publications. He was able to get autographs from a few of the players and also saw them in action! The experience was priceless!! We also took in a concert and have begun to hit the fair and festival circuit! Good times Good times!

  One of The biggest adventures will take place in a few weeks! I am taking him to his first Cubs game! Now that one did cost me, but come on every kid needs to have a Major league Baseball memory for summer! He is so excited he has a new jersey and hat all ready. I even bought him a new baseball in hopes of receiving some autographs.

 When I was a kid my summer was filled with outdoor adventures with my cousins and the neighbor kids, I remember visiting Phillips park,swimming all day at The East Side Park Pool and of course going on that road trip every year to Colorado. I look back at my childhood summers and so many memories were good ones. I want Gabe to have that when he gets older. I want him to have the gift of sweet childhood memories!

 So every adventure we take whether it is big,small,free,or expensive. I want it to be filled with love,learning,and fun. Most of all I want it to be filled with his adventurous childhood spirit. That way maybe one day when he has children of his own he can look at them and say “You know when I was a kid…”  That to me is what I’m trying to do this summer give him memories that he’ll treasure forever!

 

 Have a great rest of the Summer everyone!

Being a MOM!

 

 

 

In May of 2000 I celebrated my first Mother’s Day! It was the most memorable one. The KC ladies made a special gift complete with picture. Wow! I was a Mom! It was unbelievable at the time. I went from crazy,live life by the seat of your pants, party girl to full time, hard working, Single Mom!  Though the changes my life had made were crazy,surprising,and at times confusing, I cold see the bigger picture. I could see God had faith in me to be the Mother of my wonderful little boy.

 Each year the struggles and hardships of being a Single Mom stress me out,and at times bring me to my knees. It  isn’t easy being both Mother and Father to my son but with God’s help I get through it. He sends me the most thoughtful, helpful, family members,friends, and also my Church family to get me through each day and each struggle.

 In no way am I complaining because the happy,loving,amazing moments far outweigh the bad. I know my hard work and determination in raising my son will be priceless in the long run.  He will grow to do great and wonderful things. I will take pride in the fact, that I had a hand in raising him from boy to man!

 So baby boy I am honored to be your Mother! At times you and I don’t see eye to eye we get through it and, we still love each other. Just know everything I do is for you! I love you More than anything in the world!

 

Why Did God make You?

 

First I  apologize it’s been way too long since my last post.  My poor blog has been neglected. I’ve been helping my son get through a troubling time.  I’m happy to say he is making great progress. For that I am extremely grateful! So now on to my post!

 

 Every Sunday Gabe and I pick up my brother from work and take him home. This is a great time for us to connect and bond. I mean we’re together all the time but it’s different during our weekly errand. I’m not nagging him about homework or rambling off chores that need to be done. He and I can just enjoy each others company.

 We sometimes listen to music or talk. Today we did a little of both. We dropped Alex off and swung by Taco Bell. While driving I was laughing because Gabe was singing “Carry on my Wayward Son”  and he was really getting down. Then when the song was over we were talking about Church. He went over what he liked about the sermon today and which song was his favorite. Then he asked me a question that made me scratch my head and think.

 He turned down the music and said “Mom why do you think God made you?”  I quickly said  “So I could be your Mother!” He smiled and said “I know that!”  He then added “Why else do you think he made you?”  I really had to think about it for a second. In Church we are talking about “Livin Venti” Which pretty much means making the most out of every aspect of your life. So I thought am I making the most out of my life like God wants? I also thought Is there another reason why God made me?

 ”Hmmm!” I said out loud. Then I said “I think God made me so I can teach children.” Gabe gave me the thumbs up and said “Yeah I think your right!”  At that moment we went over how I teach and care for children at KinderCare and how I also teach children at The Orchard. He then said Mom Good job your following why God made you.

  So then I asked him why he thinks God made him. He said “To be your Son and take care of you!” (Yes my heart melted a little) He then said God made him for other reasons but he hasn’t figured it out yet. So he said we could figure it out together. I then thanked God right there for my wise little man. He is going through one of the most emotional times of his life yet he is focused on God. In his time of rain he knows who to turn to.

 So now I’d like to pose that question to you!  Why do you think God made you?  Think about it and let me know!

My First Mammogram

 

   Well I did something yesterday for the very first time! I got a Mammogram! Can I get a WOOT WOOT!! Was it awful or wonderful you ask. Let’s just put it this way it was an EXPERIENCE!!

HERE’S THE DISCLAIMER:

MEN IT’S GONNA BE GRAPHIC! YOU ARE GOING TO GET TO KNOW A LOT ABOUT MY GIRLS SO ENTER THIS BLOG AT YOUR OWN RISK!

 

Now ladies are you ready! Here’s my mammogram experience!

 

 I arrived at the Mammography office. As I enter I see a man sitting. Immediately I get a wee bit apprehensive.  I then start to think.. “Oh great! why is a man in the land of breast!  “Is nothing left to be sacred for us women!”  My instinct told me to turn around but I knew I had to go in!  I casually walk up to the receptionist and say ( as quiet as I can) I’m here for a Mammogram. The lady at the desk was so sweet and informative. She kindly took my info, gave me the papers to sign and said “Have a seat you’ll be called shortly.”

 She was right my wait was minimal. I was called back by another sweet lady. She took me to a room and explained what I would be doing. I had to undress from the waist up and put on a robe. Then I was walked to a waiting area. I was so relieved when I saw 5 other women in robes waiting also waiting!

 WHEW! I sat and grabbed a cup of tea. A much older woman asked me if this was my first time. I replied “Yes.”  Suddenly the entire “Sisterhood of Boobies” began to reassure me I had nothing to fear.

 Each woman told me what to expect and not to be nervous. We all then settled down and began commenting on the “Octo-Mom” . Inside Edition was on and we all had a comment to make. After about 10 minutes it was my turn. As I got up I heard various comments from “It’ll be fine”, to “have fun”, and “Don’t be scared”. I loved the camaraderie in that room.

 I entered the room and saw “The BOOB SQUASHER” (Mammogram Machine) I kind of tensed up. Then the tech came in and explained in detail what she would be doing. I told myself I would be fine. I then seemed to recall every horror story I was ever told about having a Mammogram! Well I was topless and already in the room with no where to run so I figured what the heck Squash away! I need to know the girls are ok!

 Now this part was AWKWARD! Maybe it’s just me but it was. The tech asked me to open my robe. I did as I was told. She’s a Mammography tech I knew my size 40 DD’s wouldn’t shock her. I was just nervous flashing her. I mean I wasn’t getting beads in return or anything!  Then she shows me these stickers with a silver tip on them. Honestly they looked like Pasties. She told me she had to put them on my nipples.  So here I am with my twin 40DD’s out and someone is putting stickers on my nipples! Oh well it could potentially save my life! I had to get over the awkwardness!

 Next I was pulled toward the” Boob Squasher”  The tech then takes one of my girls and ever so casually places it on the machine. Which by the way was a very cold surface. It actually felt like they iced it down! Next the tech begins to flatten my boob with her hand like she was flattening a mound of dough. The whole time making sure I knew what she was doing next.  So for me awkward for her just another day at the office.

 I then had to turn my body slightly, place my arm on the side of the machine,turn my face the other way, and then the machine flattened my boob! Did it hurt? Not really, I just felt alot of pressure. I think I’m more traumatized from seeing my poor boobie flattened and distorted.  It didn’t take long. I then did the other side. The most uncomfortable thing was the position you have to hold while the machine scans your breast. So pain wasn’t really part of it for me. Awkwardness yes I’ll say that was it. The best part is I now know what to expect next year.

 I finished and they looked over the results. As I changed and went to the desk to check out I got a paper that said my girls were fine and to make sure I came back next year! They also told me self examination was also an important part of prevention. So ladies don’t forget to feel your boobies! Hope this helped some of you. It wasn’t horrible and remember a mammogram could save your life!  So make your appointment now!  Take care!

 Edith!

 

 

When did I get new baggage?

 Last year I got rid of some major baggage! My mind was in a good place. I was ready to let it go and I took action. Poof! It was gone. What was that baggage well it was several things.

  Debt was a big one. I took action and got rid of a huge chunk of it.  Relationships! That one held me back!  I repaired a few, re-visited a couple, and let go of old grudges. (Yes, I had grudges) I even had self worth issues. I took steps to change my attitude and realize yes, I am a child of God and worth more than a pricelss treasure to him. Why does anyone else’s opinion matter? So baggage smaggage! It was gone! I was golden!

 SO I THOUGHT!!

 Well I can’t even pinpoint when it happened. Suddenly, I remembered something as I began re -connecting with old friends from High School. You know you  re- connect, talk about the good old days, and suddenly a memory comes back and then a flood of adolecent drama resurfaces then WHAMMO!!  I found myself wrapped up in other baggage. This is baggage I got rid of and learned a lesson from yet I found myself making the same mistake. Oh and here’s the crazy part.  I did it with my eyes WIDE OPEN!

Yep! I am as human as they come. I made excuses to justify my actions and like a domino effect I began to make choices that I knew I shouldn’t. With the quickness of  the snap of a finger I was walking away from what was right! What was I thinking? The truth is I wasn’t thinking.  After listening to a podcast from my home church The Orchard  it was clear to me that baggage had crept back into my life. I was so distracted that it took a couple of months to realize I needed to make it right again and release what was weighing me down.

One of the choices I was making was to say it was ok to miss church service. I talked my way into thinking missing a week was ok. Then it turned into two weeks in a row. It was really me staying away on purpose. I wasn’t ready to forgive myself and be forgiven. As I listened to the podcast my Pastor said almost exactly what I was feeling. I wasn’t ready but God is always ready to forgive. I really did try to make myself believe that God needed time to get over my shenanigans! Pastor Scott’s words were the smack in the head I needed!

I felt so mad at myself that I wasn’t in church to get the full effect of the message! Thank God for the podcast.

 Ok so the baggage that has crept back is really old  I mean we’re talking decades! Yet the magnitude of it still effects me as an adult. I even feel I should apologize to a couple of people. I led them to believe they were the ones who held me back when it came to relationships. In fact after reflecting on this I am the one who wronged myself. I let the old baggage effect the choices I made with them. Had I forgiven them and then myself  moving on would have been a snap. Yet I held on to grudges and shame. I was miserable and they were living their life. This was all thanks to the way something unfolded over two decades ago!

 Well now the root of the problem has been discovered it’s up to me to release my baggage and learn from it.  Thank you Pastor Scott for the foresight of podcasting and for a FANTASTIC new series!

For more information on The orchard and its new series Baggage please visit

www.orchardvalleyonline

 

 

Finally a new blog post!!

 

 Man it has been ages since my last blog post! What’s new you ask! Well I turned 40! It’s not so bad!  Really, I feel exactly the same as I did when I was in my 20′s. The only difference is I work two jobs and have a 9 year old son. I celebrated the milestone by a celebrating all week long! I capped of the weekend by having a HUGE party at my favorite local Bar and Grill.

  The night was AMAZING!! So many people showed up. The place was filled almost to capacity and it was great to feel the love from people I call family and friends. We laughed,cried,sang,and had a few cocktails. So much love was in the room! I am truly blessed.

 So when I looked back at the 40 years that passed I saw so much to be thankful for. I celebrated every moment. Yes even the bad stuff. If you stop and think about it where would we be if we didn’t experience good,bad,and ugly? We’d be  living in an unrealistic fantasy! So I’ve embraced 40 and I’m ready to run with it!

 So as I get along on my journey I’ll share it all with you on this blog and if our paths happen to cross dont forget to say hello!